Emily, you’ve been here in the morning. Don’t be miserable in the dusk. Don’t be in pain. In the shadow opposite to a huge thing, you just sit there and wait for the waves to come and wait. It’s not resignation, but waking up. Now I’m going to go back like you. I’m going to see a feast in the breadcrumbs, a bee clover daydream, create a fake miracle, and knock at the door. I can hold your outstretched hand from the darkness and turn around like you, because I said something inappropriate.
Yes, everyone needs an Emily to write a letter to her, and then she will write back to you. When you are wearing a star, Dai Yue said that a sailor can’t identify the north, but he should know that a magnetic needle can do it. When you are worried, she said that you should speak beautifully to relieve the child’s fear of thunder, and the bright light must be gradually released, otherwise people will be improper. You both slipped in the spring breeze and snow and tried to turn around, but she couldn’t stop. She also said that the car stopped in front of her low door, and the emperor knelt on her mat, and she didn’t move. She chose one
别管她姓氏是狄金森还是赵钱孙李要她是艾米莉要她回信能够送到我们手里要是没她她回信我们在狂奔中落定我们在瘫痪中起身我们又才能劈己从体黑暗里拽躲藏着另外一个甚是千百个我可是艾米莉这么多年你都看见了假我要感谢你就像你说过我眼泪就会涌来我说不话
她爱天安门
一次垂暮年金斯伯格路过一个叫爱尔米拉小城那是二十五年前垮掉一代闹革命时待过地方不消说二十五年前因这些妖魔鬼怪到来遍布工厂爱尔米拉曾经过短暂不真实喧嚣但是现在物不是人已非昔日戏言身后意今朝都到眼前来金斯伯格老泪纵横回到纽约后他写了爱尔米拉雨中草地士兵写了雾霭缭绕群山灰蒙蒙工厂然后他写道是杰克不会再次现尼尔尸骨已寒
我确信一直到他死他也不会再去爱尔米拉了就像在武汉我在小梅被执行枪决后半个月里每次坐租车路过我挂职看守都会意识地绕道而走我怀疑我不会再进到那个铁门紧闭大院里去了
十九年前小梅生在广西看守里她母亲因此逃过一劫带着她回到了四川老家十九年后当我在武汉看守里遇见小梅她已经杀死了欺骗她男人被判死刑后在看守里度过她在人世最后一段时光
我几乎是第一眼就了这个女孩一天中我起码会听到她十次笑那笑就像永远不会停止清脆响亮旁若人我也看见过她发脾气样这多半是因放风时候又人欺负了她姐妹一到这时她就要愤愤不平地来主公道其实她姐妹都比她大了好几岁除此外我还见识过她更多快乐气愤譬她唱歌获得了第七名譬她在视里看见了害人不浅伪劣婴儿奶粉
我曾经好多次她单独谈机会每逢此时我茶杯里哪怕才刚刚喝了一口做过小餐馆员她都要赶紧地拿起茶杯去我加水举步连蹦带跳我必须承认己对她充满了好奇她此快乐再想想己生活又此趣一次她甚说她可我按按头这样我就不会那么辛苦想当年她也是某某发廊手艺最好洗头工我连说不必一来是我从没因工而觉得辛苦二来是多少我还是觉得些局促这局促可证我活得多么不真实不像她几乎把每个认识人都当成了己邻居
此前见过别犯人不同不管我说什么她都点头微微笑着眼神里不断会闪过惊奇过看守生活经历人都会知道这是多么难几乎每个犯人故事都可写一绝大部分时候他们眼神里并不会相信惊奇就是在这样相信中在看守院里一丛葡萄架底我听她说起了她生镇初来武汉时在武昌南外慌张了见一个男人先冷水把己淋得重感冒然后再去病假当然她还说她爱北京天安门
她说天啦你都不知道我多慌张东西掉在地都不敢去捡回来就怕被别人当成小偷
她说天气真是冷我淋了己两桶水跑门时候觉得胳膊都要冻掉了
从四川来时候我就想要是能去天安门看一次升国旗就好了她又哈哈笑着说就像是在说别人事情后来好多次想去每次都事都把钱寄回家了咳到现在也没去成
在此前已经好几个看守同事对我说起过小梅刚被逮捕案时事情那时候论警察问什么她都拒不口后来她说她想去北京看天安门看过了天安门想说什么都可但是于纪律没人答应她求说来奇怪应该是在去年冬天我做梦时候梦见了一个在天安门看升国旗女孩朝阳初升在簇拥着人群里那个女孩抬起头来直盯盯地看着国旗并且众人一起唱国歌因激动她一直都在紧紧地攥着己小拳头
毕竟是梦境一场我相信类似情景也曾在小梅梦中现过最终她把天安门放在了脑后跟着姐妹们做操唱歌绣十字绣就像她把死放在了脑后该笑时候哈哈大笑该生气时候就把牙齿紧咬记忆中唯独一次说到死是她想听我MP3我当然就摘来给她听她对里面音乐不感兴趣我连忙问她什么并且告诉她回去后我可把她音乐拷进去等次来时候再给她听啊还可这样啊她好玩地拍打着身脚镣对着我MP3看了又看那能不能快点啊我马就要死了
More than once, I looked at Xiaomei’s back and watched me change seventy-two times in the wind and rain. This is when she sang. I really hope that this back in front of me will break free from shackles in music, run through the Wuhan Bell Tower and jump back to the Sichuan train, and she will get smaller and smaller and finally return to the lonely Sichuan town when she was nine years old. She got into the rape flower with bare feet. She talked about it that stretched for more than ten kilometers.
The fact is that Xiaomei, who was born in the guard, will die in the guard, just like the one who wrote that Eugene O ‘Neill was born in a hotel, damn it, and died in the hotel. These are his last words, and the world around us is vast and watertight, and it will not stop. In the end, each of us can watch it continue to operate silently.
On June 7, Xiaomei was executed for cowardice, and I didn’t go to see her off.
Burn the begonia tree
One day I will cut it down. Before it rains, in the thunder, she told me that she said it was in front of our eyes, full of flowers. It was nothing but a begonia tree.
The day after tomorrow, it suddenly became dark, and the thunder turned to thunderbolt. When the rain was mixed with flowers that sparkled and hit the begonia flowers, one of them fell into the ground and floated to a pulled manhole. Before several ups and downs, it was swept in by the water in the manhole. At this time, she cried.
In fact, I know that she has been crying almost every day, and she has to find a place to cry for fear of being heard by the children in the ward. She secretly lowered her voice to cry. Many times she met her, her eyes were red and her nose was red, and she was too short of breath to calm down because of her sadness. It was hard to hide that she had just cried.
Why didn’t she cry? The couple sang in a small troupe for 15 years, but the troupe collapsed, so that they could leave their children to work separately. When the couple hurried home, a window pane suddenly broke and fell on his knee. It was a skin injury. After simple dressing in the clinic, they went home. I didn’t know that the wound seemed to be healed, but it was quietly rotting. By the time the couple hurried home, the leg had to be amputated.
This is not the end. The family seems to be under a spell, and the bad luck is like the river burst its banks. Once it surges, she will never see the head again. In a small hospital, the couple amputated their limbs, but the wound was repeatedly infected. There was nothing they could do. The couple borrowed money and went to live in a bigger city 300 kilometers away. There was a begonia tree in the hospital. Just a week later, when the husband went to buy an egg fried rice for his son, he came face to face in the courtyard. A truck carrying medical equipment was killed by the begonia tree alive.
Her husband’s clothes were full of blood on the trunk. She was suddenly called to the bottom of the begonia tree from the nursery bed. She was wearing a shoe in winter. She was scared silly and didn’t cry. She looked at her husband’s body and the chaos in front of her eyes. Everyone was shaking and shaking for two months. Then she stopped arguing and shirking the lawsuit. The truck didn’t belong to the hospital and killed her husband. The driver was also poor. Now the hospital reluctantly agreed to treat her son. She can even work as a cleaner in the ward in exchange for a little life. But so far, no one has compensated her. She is still numb in the hospital
But she doesn’t seem to care about the compensation lawsuit. I want to say that all her thoughts are on the way to the meal of the begonia tree. When she is in a daze in the corridor outside the ward, she stares at the tree in her eyes like a tragedy. Only by cutting it down or uprooting the curse can she get rid of the bad luck and stay away from her. But in fact, she has nothing to take away.
I’m going to cut it down one day. She says this when she meets people. Maybe it’s because I’m accompanying patients in the same ward as her son. She will say a few more words to me. She will talk about her husband as if he were not dead. If I stare at that tree for ten minutes, I can see that he is much thinner than before and angry as if he wants to quarrel with me. He blames me for not taking care of my son and him, but we have never quarreled before.
People and I didn’t actually take her seriously, but we were all wrong. Suddenly, one night, the ward building came to argue and cried for me. The ward looked at the knot in the corridor and saw her dimly. At the bottom of the light, she was tearing her hair with several security guards, holding a kitchen knife. Of course, she didn’t want to kill the begonia tree, but how could a kitchen knife kill the tree in such a short time? Not long after, even the only weapon was lost. The security guards easily lost her kitchen knife.
The next day, she cut down the begonia tree almost all over the hospital. Some people went to see the tree specially, but in fact, they couldn’t see any trunk. However, some branches were cut off and scattered in the grass next to them. These branches of flowers didn’t seem to decline, but they didn’t seem to know each other. The trunk was beheaded, just like when she was cleaning in a ward or a ward, she was still greeting people. If people needed help, she would run to give them a hand as before, but she didn’t seem to know that people were actually quietly.
But people who live in the world haven’t been needed for a moment, and she is no exception. Nurses’ Day is coming, and a literary evening will be held in the hospital to celebrate the baby-care bed. The nurse found her and said that several of them were going to dance a body dance, but the number was not enough. Instead, when she came, they danced together, and everyone had to make up a little more, she would definitely not be recognized.
The nurse in charge of the bed said that there was an eager light in her eyes. When the other party finished speaking, she also promised that there was no delay. It is no wonder that she entered this hospital, even the most exciting thing for her. So after cleaning the ward the next day, she left work. It was a good thing for the nurses on the roof to rehearse and dance with her. When she was staring blankly at the begonia tree, I could vaguely hear her laughing in the corridor. Everyone was laughing, and she was laughing louder than the nurses.
By the time they came into the ward from the rooftop, laughing and joking, almost all the people present found that she had almost become another person. Oh, my God, she actually reached out to help the nurse’s hair and then dusted the nurse. After dusting, she also pinched a little nurse’s face and blamed her for not taking care of herself. How shocking it was. In the past, how could she think of herself? Today, the little nurses have all gone away. She still stared at each other’s back for a long time. Yeah, how can she let this fall from the sky so easily? Intimacy is now in the team. She and they are partners but partners. When this dance is over, the nurses will become nurses again. For herself, this short dream is like a dream. Don’t become a cleaner again, an amputated teenage mother.
Not only did I see it, but almost everyone saw it. She was spending time, and she really couldn’t bear to part with it. She almost found a rope to hang herself on the roof and never came back.
After all, it’s still a problem. On the day of the theatrical performance, I also went to see a show for everything, and it didn’t take long for them to dance. The music was Beijing News to the frontier. She wore a lot of makeup. If she wasn’t familiar, she would definitely not recognize her. She was the best dancer in the group, and her movements were warm and not frivolous. Of course, she became a dance center, although her partners were much younger than her, and she could be called aunt.
But it was only a few minutes ago that she suddenly stopped in amazement. The dancers were still dancing, but she was the only one who didn’t dance. Of course, the dancers urged her. After she hurriedly jumped a few steps, she cried and stared at the southwest corner of the audience. Later, she almost cried. No, I have been in charge of it. She actually fell to her knees on the stage and said nothing. Then she was recognized as a nurse. She was driven off the stage together with the dancers, and she continued to look at her mouth in the southwest corner.
According to her later, she screwed everything up because she had an illusion in front of her eyes. She actually saw her husband in the audience. She knew it was an illusion and ignored it, but her husband suddenly became furious and said that she cared about dancing. She lost her mind, but anyway, she could never get close to the nurses again. Now the nurses are more than alienated from her. It’s simply disgusting. You have walked in the crowd once or for a year, and you can still be alone in the end.
Now that she has more leisure, she will have more time to deal with the begonia tree again. Although the flowering period will be exhausted, it will still be gorgeous. Often, parents take their children to the begonia tree to pick one or two flowers and then jump for joy. When she meets me, she will tell me angrily that these people, I think they want to bring disaster home and stop. Suddenly, when the thunder rings, she swears once again that I will cut it down one day. Don’t believe that I will cut it down after the rain stops.
I still didn’t take it seriously when she gritted her teeth, but this time I was wrong. She really didn’t cut it down, but she set fire to it. About a week later, there was a sudden uproar in the courtyard after midnight, shouting and screaming. I ran to the corridor to have a look, but I couldn’t help but gasp, but the flowers of the begonia tree were all lit by fire, and the flames were burning fiercely, but I never expected that it was her who claimed that she would cut the tree. She was also on fire at the moment. Crying and running blindly with flames, although the security guards gradually approached, they could also look at each other, and they could hear her cry more and more piercing and heartbreaking. After waiting for several minutes, she waited until someone came running with a fire extinguisher.
She once served a bodhisattva, and now she should smash it and amputate it. When her husband dies, she always hates something. She always looks for it. She hates a tree, and then she retaliates against it, but the bad luck is not over. On the contrary, she is still waiting for her to see her come near, so that she will not be dragged over. Don’t let her fall into deeper sorrow, and even if she can live, she will be laughed at for this night’s behavior. At first, she didn’t know where to get a bucket of gasoline and took advantage of the midnight. In the corridor of the ward, she spilled a bucket of gasoline on the tree. She was so anxious that the gasoline was spilled on herself. She didn’t even notice that the spilled gasoline didn’t stop for a moment. She ran downstairs and aimed at a flower filled with gasoline and lit a match. She didn’t expect that the Haitang tree burned together and returned to herself.
Many days later, when she came from the intensive care unit, I went to see her, but I couldn’t get into the ward. To tell the truth, the hospital didn’t treat her badly through the window. Although this is a specialized hospital, she was burned by a burn doctor from another hospital. Now she is temporarily out of her life and almost all of her body is wrapped in gauze, probably because I often fell into a short coma. I saw her in the aisle for a long time, but it was still. The unexpected situation was that a magpie went astray and broke into the ward and was inside. Otherwise, she could swoop around in this square inch in horror.
Of course, I went to see her, and more people went to see her, and a magpie was looking at her in an infusion bag or bottle. She didn’t know all this, and she didn’t know that the begonia tree had mysteriously disappeared a few days after she was burned.
It really disappeared. The branches of the tree were cut off, and all the flowers and leaves vanished. The roots were still exposed to the rain for days. So who cut it? Unexpectedly, the hospital didn’t send anyone to cut it, and the security guards didn’t do anything to cut it. It’s even more impossible for her to lose a leg. Almost everyone who is familiar with her is asking who is cutting it. Fortunately, this is the hospital. Everyone is not afraid of waves except the treatment and care. It’s time to think about and discuss the whereabouts of the tree.
Unfortunately, they are all wrong.
Well, that’s it. I’ll admit it. Although I didn’t do it myself, she stayed still with the hospital bed. I’m afraid I know the truth alone in the world. In fact, in the middle of the night, a thin middle-aged man came to fight in the vast fog with egg fried rice in one hand and a shiny axe in the other. When he passed the Haitang tree, he didn’t stop and went straight upstairs to the ward. First, he went to the bedside quietly, but he didn’t wake him up to put the egg fried rice. After that, he quickly left quietly because he was anxious to see his mother
Now he finally saw her again, but like everyone else who came to visit her, he didn’t enter the ward through the window. This time, he stopped complaining about her but cried. He cried first, then squatted in the corner and went back to the window to cry again and again until tears wet his axe, but it didn’t make him see the deeper energy, that is, Yin and Yang were separated, and his axe could not be cut down. The only thing he could cut off was the Haitang tree in the courtyard.
Failure poem